Many years have passed since those days when Eleni left her small hometown near Nafplio. Back then, Eros truly struck her heart, making her fall deeply for Alexandrosand he for her. Filled with youthful passion, they made the decision to leave their provincial roots for Athens, telling their families they were headed to the capital to earn euros for a traditional wedding celebration. And indeed, they went to work hard in Athens.
But soon, witnessing the city’s younger generations arriving at their weddings in trainers and jeans, exchanging gifts for envelopes filled with cash, hosting cocktail receptions instead of koumparos-laden banquetsor even holding the whole affair over video calls and pouring their gifts directly into a home loanthey decided not to spend their hard-earned money on a lavish wedding.
So Eleni and Alexandros did just that. Yet, when their mothers returned to their hometowns, a modest gathering was organized for them. They were strangers in Athens, with no circle of new friends. All of this, however, is merely to set the scene for you, to imagine the kind of couple they were and the character they possessed.
Five years have passed since that small celebration. They delayed children, putting their efforts toward paying off their apartment. Elenis mother, a spirited woman who raised her daughter alone, never failed to remind her during every phone call that she was yearning for grandchildren. Still, Eleni knew that moving in with her mother would risk tearing apart her marriage. There was no rush, so they waited with children.
In those quiet years, Eleni began harbouring old grievances against Alexandros, feelings she used to distract herself from but now struggled to ignore. She called me one evening, her voice tinged with frustration:
He can talk with others on the phone for hours, but with me its just a quick hello and goodbye. When he gets home from work, surely you both have time to talk. All I want is to settle in with a romantic film after work, but he insists on watching thrillers. How many TVs do you have? You could always use headphones and watch on a laptop. But, honestly, that doesnt feel like family life if youre together in the same room, but mentally worlds apart. Thats exactly what bothers me! I dont think Alexandros really understands me! Thats a rather unique complaint. Are you laughing at me? No, I promise Im not. Eleni, when are you happiest together? On holidays, or when were hosting friends. Hes so attentive those days are special.
Our conversation stretched on for nearly an hour. Eleni recounted how they first met, and how the other girls in Nafplio envied her. It became clear that her dissatisfaction stemmed from an unfulfilled desire to shine in front of otherssomething she couldnt do in Athens, where she had no one to impress. That was the first issue, and there was another…
Eleni, what does the ideal marriage look like to you? Definitely with children. Many say that, but sometimes marriages falter after children come. I want my husband to be curious about my mood, my work, to compliment what I wear, and praise my cooking He doesnt do any of that? No, hell say nice meal, but its not enough for me. Describe it to me He comes home, you serve him moussaka and soutzoukakiaand then? He smiles, rubbing his hands together. Thats its own kind of compliment! It would bother you if he pushed the plate away and said he wasnt hungry…
Eleni fell quiet; it seemed she hadnt fully realized the true nature of her complaint. Somehow, though, her irritation toward Alexandros persisted. I understood precisely what troubled her. To confirm, I asked her to describe her relationship with her mother.
She shared that her mother was always very emotional, forever asking questions. When things went wrong, her mother would comfort her, promising that everything would turn out fine.
Its said that we seek partners who resemble our parents, offering us the love weve always known. Eleni never knew her father, and perhaps never considered that not everyone expresses emotion so vividly.
I then told Eleni that, in some ways, shed been married to her mother for five years, expecting Alexandros to act exactly as her mother would. At first, Eleni was startled, but eventually, she accepted the notion.
So how do I divorce my mother? Its simple. Whenever you feel upset, remember that its not Alexandros, but your caring mother standing beside you. He can never compete with her! Thats all? Thats all! And youll see, the resentments will slowly fade away on their own.
